Ever experienced something that could lead you down a different path? Like something that wasn't originally planned but that could actually turn out to be for a reason...
What if the unimaginable happened and no matter how traumatic it was at the time and to recover from, in the end it actually made you stronger?
If you have, I'm sure, like me, you couldn't have seen it that way at the time, but it all becomes clearer further down the line...
I had always dreamt of being an actress and when it came to selecting where to go for higher education, I always saw myself needing to be in London to study and pursue a career in acting.
When the studies ended, I had this idea in my head that I’d be going for loads of auditions and maybe someone might take a chance on me and I could ask them, why not me!? I still ask this question to the day.
When you’ve gone to countless auditions and they'd say "you look too like the other girl" or "come back when you’ve had some life experience"… Well, I think it’s fair to say I’ve had a bucket load of that since my audition days and I don't think I look like anyone else because of the personality that comes from within me isn't like any other person. Life would be rather boring if we were all the same right!?
When the rug gets pulled from under your feet without seeing it happen or even predicting it could happen, it kind of gives you that life experience you had always been told to go and get! Although I'd like to think they didn't have my tough time in mind when they said it!
When something happens that is so out your own control, it can go two ways. It either forces you to perhaps become something/someone you never thought you could be or it can leave you broken. You either find a purpose that empowers you to fight back in your own way or you lose yourself. You use your trauma for fight or flight. Some people don't get that lucky and I feel so grateful I came through the other side.
The amount of times I felt like I couldn’t be strong is unreal but I did and now I feel powerful, a tool I didn't think existed in me before my life changed without my approval.
Strength doesn’t just come in a physical form and the word also shouldn't be thrown around like it's some kind of competition. It also comes from the mind and the mind controls your whole system. If your mind isn’t quite on point, how does your body expect to function!?
I’m obviously skimming past this “life experience” of mine because nowadays I feel it’s kind of irrelevant to need to talk about it…but then again there is so so much to be said still. So so much to be answered still and yet so much to be proud of.
I’ll leave this thought for today but the point of all of this, is that I feel like this thing that happened to me made me realise I’m where I want to be - geographically, mentally, physically, career wise and I’ll even go as far as to say, potentially permanently.
Something has changed within me, I feel the buzz again, I feel the adrenaline for work again. I feel my own fight. I feel my own drive and I think it’s even better than the first chance I got. I got a second chance at discovering who I really am and what I want to do. I'm in my 30’s and never felt more confident in myself and in my work. I cannot wait to get my teeth into some screen acting and show the world what I am made of.
Yes we all have our ups and downs, especially in these strange ole times still. But the good times way up the bad ones by miles. I hope others are as lucky as I am. I’m using my experiences to challenge myself every day, personally and professionally to be the best version of myself. You can too and if you don’t feel it, that’s also ok too.